Learning to Live With Less Fear

TW: Emetophobia

Hey, Little Leaves! I am so sorry for not posting last night, I had a really bad stomach ache. I'm all good now, so let's get into it!

For the longest time, I thought I just had to live with my fear.

Emetophobia—the intense fear of vomiting or being around vomiting—has affected my life in ways that can be difficult to explain to someone who doesn't experience it. It's not simply thinking, "I really don't like being sick." For me, the fear can become overwhelming. My mind can take something small and turn it into a thousand different possibilities.

I've spent a lot of time worrying about situations that might make me sick, paying attention to how my body feels, and trying to avoid anything that might trigger that fear. Sometimes, the fear itself can become more distressing than whatever I'm actually afraid of.

And it is exhausting.

I avoid traveling, and I've missed so many amazing opportunities.

Eventually, I realized that I didn't want fear making so many decisions for me anymore.

That's why I'm currently in CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, for my emetophobia.

Starting therapy wasn't an easy decision. There's something vulnerable about sitting down with someone and saying, "This fear is affecting my life, and I need help." But I've learned that needing help isn't something to be ashamed of. 

CBT is helping me understand the connection between my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Instead of automatically believing every scary thought my anxiety gives me, I'm learning to question those thoughts and respond to them differently.

I'm also learning that recovery doesn't mean I'll suddenly never feel anxious again.

It means learning that I can feel anxious without letting anxiety control everything I do.

That's probably one of the biggest things I'm trying to remind myself of right now.

I know this process is going to take time. There may be days when I feel like I'm making incredible progress and other days when an old fear feels just as strong as ever. I'm trying to remember that progress isn't always a straight line.

I'm allowed to have difficult days.

I'm allowed to be scared.

And I'm still allowed to keep moving forward.

One of the reasons I'm sharing this is because I know I'm not the only person who has a fear that feels bigger than it "should." Sometimes people minimize phobias because they don't understand how deeply they can affect someone's everyday life.

But you don't have to justify your fear before you're allowed to ask for help.

For me, CBT is about more than getting rid of a phobia. It's about getting pieces of my life back from anxiety.

I'm still learning. I'm still working through it. And I'm still scared sometimes.

But for the first time, I'm trying to believe that fear doesn't have to be in control forever.

And honestly?

That's a pretty hopeful place to start.

I would love to hear if anybody out there has this specific fear. What have you done for yourself so far? Has this also began to control your entire life? Leave an anonymous comment below! Maybe we can all help each other.

Thank you for tuning in, Little Leaves! See you next Friday night!

— Autumn