Hello Again, Little Leaves

Hey, Little Leaves!

First, I am so sorry you didn't see me last week, I've been dealing with some personal issues that I will explain here in a bit. Second, over 200 views in 2 weeks on my website is crazy! I so appreciate every single one of my leaves! Third, I started a new internship at a production company and my boss is amazing! I helped her with an event over the weekend where I met Tim Thorn, my literal idol and an amazing fashion designer! I'm loving it there! 

Now, let's get to why I was gone...

Back in February, I thought I was having a normal monthly cycle, they've always been painful due to PCOS and Mittelschmerz. However, it was a week late, and a lot more painful. It was so painful that I ended up getting really depressed and I couldn't eat. I decided to go see a doctor when something terrifying happened... I passed a really big clot. 

Once the doctor did some tests on me, we found out I was having a chemical pregnancy, and the big clot I passed was tissue preparing to support the baby. 

Before I met the love of my life, I never wanted kids. He even knew that when we first got together. 

He's been the most amazing man I've ever dated, lived with, and loved. He treats me like nobody else ever has, and as time went on, I decided I wanted nothing more than to be the mother of his kids. 

I always knew it would be difficult for me to become pregnant and carry children, so when this chemical pregnancy happened, it just hit us really hard. 

We got matching tattoos of the date we lost the baby on our hands, and we still talk about it sometimes because we're still grieving.

I had another one... last week, which is why I was gone. I just needed some time to take care of myself so I didn't feel as bad as I did the first time, when my hormones were all screwed up and I was sick to my stomach. It stressed me out a little bit.

So, of course I'm okay, my fiancé is okay, he's grieving in his own way, but we talk about it when we need to. 

We like to think that this just isn't our time to make mini me's, and God will make it happen when it is our time. I also like to think that my dad, who passed away in 2024, is in heaven taking care of these babies and he still got to be a grandpa.

Next week, I will be back on track and talk about the beginning of my mental health downfall. For now, thank you all so much for engaging in my blog and looking at my website everyday! See you next time, Little Leaves!

— Autumn