TW - Derealization, panic/anxiety attacks
Welcome back to "Autumn's Open Pages"!
First, I want to thank everyone who has been supporting me with all the views on my website—WOW! It means so much! I think I'll call my fans... my Little Leaves!
So, Little Leaves, let's get serious.
Tonight, I want to talk about where my own mental health took a turn. While the one big experience cannot be talked about publicly yet, I can tell you what began happening after it stopped. It took about two years of me going through this one thing before it finally stopped, mostly because I was afraid of what would happen if I spoke up. I'm still not going to, mainly for the sake of my family and keeping it together.
Anyways, I was just under 10 years old when it had stopped, but then my mental health began declining. I started getting derealization episodes, my parents would noticed I started breathing really heavily for minutes before I calmed down, and I cried and threw tantrums a lot.
The first derealization episode I ever had was when my mom took me to a Trunk or Treat at a church. I was walking around, collecting candy, and playing games. All of a sudden, I just didn't feel like I was alive or in my own body. I remember saying, "I feel dead right now." I can't remember how long it lasted.
I'm 26 now, and up until last year (2025), I let the derealization take over. It scared me every time. I would keep saying things out loud and having a breakdown until I came back to reality.
Now, I just remind myself that I'm probably just stressed, and I say out loud, "you're not taking me this time." Sometimes, I'll stand in front of a mirror and say it, so I know I'm real.
I don't want this post to be too long, so, next Wednesday I'll talk about when the anxiety and panic attacks started.
Thank you again, my Little Leaves, for all of your support! Don't forget to keep coming back for updates on my new short story, "The Beast of Ashford Manor", as it will be released Friday the 19th!
See you next Wednesday!
— Autumn
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